Big Little ThingsLessons from week one of the moratorium on small talk
Last week, we decided to spend May avoiding shitty small-talk interactions with people. (And then Josh decided to make it even more difficult on me by setting me up to have a lot of dates. Yikes!) The point is to have better, richer, more meaningful conversations with people.
So far, it’s been super hard.
Lesson 1: Learn Judo.
We had planned our approach to initiating the kinds of conversations we want to have, but we hadn’t realized how often the small talk will come from somewhere else. People are going to come at you with the very questions that will kill conversation. If you can’t flip them, you’re gonna get pinned.
So if someone asks you what you do, tell them what you’re most passionate about, give them a list of hobbies, or tell them what you did 45 minutes ago. But for god sakes don’t tell them what you do for money.
And if someone asks you where you’re from, tell them you just came from the shitter.
Lesson 2: This is not about you
If you ask somebody what’s new, and they start talking about their life-changing sailing trip, for example, ask them about how their life has changed. DO NOT jump in with some shit about the time you went sailing at summer camp. It’s great to have something in common with another person, but resist the urge to say “me too.” Let the other person have the stage for a minute, and realize that the first step in connecting is making your conversation partner feel like you care about them.
Sounds pretty obvious, we know, but we’re idiots and we had to learn these lessons the hard way. How did week one go for you guys?
May 7th, 2007 at 11:32 am
I’ve started keeping a log of my interactions with people and will continue to do so over the month. Just over the first week, I have started to notice a pattern - I only really want to talk with those people that I feel are authentic and have true passions (lets not get started on how hard it is to find these people). It seems that I don’t waste my time on the same ole’ people telling the same ole’ stories. Where did everyone go that still had a life, spirit and creative energy?
Maybe its my personality or maybe its my surroundings. Where do you find people who truly want to change the world?
May 7th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Bob,
That’s a fucking awesome idea! You’re right: we all only want to talk to people who care about what they say, and who show genuine interest in what you have to say. And as for finding the people who truly want to change the world, we think the way to do so is to begin making the changes you want to see, and like-minded people will appear. Another place to find ‘em is right here, on this blog.
May 7th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
So - Axel, have better conversations led to better luck with the ladies?
May 8th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Josh, thanks for the feedback. You guys ever consider putting together a social site where these like-minded people can converse? Looks like you already have a good start with this site.
May 15th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Bob I thought that tinygigantic is a social site where these like-minded people can converse =)
but I am all for making find creative person x a date a regular feature =))
May 16th, 2007 at 10:08 am
@ Fabio
yes, that may be true in some sense, but most users communicate through this site. Without a post there is little to no conversation between users.
What I’m talking about is an creative online community that doesn’t necessary involve a post to spark conversation.
May 16th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Bob: Thanks to you, we’re seriously kicking around the idea!
Fabio: What about an online dating service a la Match.com strictly for creative professionals. One can imagine creating a personal portfolio instead of a profile…!!!
May 16th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
I can smell it now. Keep on rockin’